While shopping the other day at the grocery store, I became increasing aware of why we have traffic laws.

Can you imagine what our streets and highways would be like if we drove cars like we drive shopping carts. My first bit of enlightenment came while I drove my cart through the canned goods section. I ran into what I call “the double blockade” The two shoppers ahead of me had simultaneously parked their cart on opposite sides of the aisle exactly next to each other. They both scanned the shelving looking for corn and soup while I stood patiently waiting for the clog to clear. This always happens exactly in the middle of the store where it is an equal distance to turn and go back or proceed forward. The intensity they scanned each label looking for the exact caloric content was amazing. Imagine the amazing alignment of the stars it takes to bring these two people both together at the exact moment I want to travel down that particular isle.

The second phenomena I encountered I’ll call “ the moving blockade. ”This maneuver requires the perpetrator to wander aimlessly back and forth down the aisle. Forming the slow moving blockade. They should require those orange triangles to be placed on their back as they zig zag along. That would at least warn us power shoppers so we know to totally avoid the aisle they are in.

Another near fatal crash happens when the person is turning onto the main aisle without yielding. Not only do they not yield, they are so dazed and confused that they simple pull right into oncoming traffic. Upon finally noticing your presence, they always give you that “what are you doing in my way” look.

Then the one thing that is the absolute pinacle of arrogance. The shopper that is ahead of you in line to check-out and remembers 6 more things they forgot to pick up. Do they pull out of line. No! If they did, they would lose their place in line. So, they leave the cart ahead of you and dash through 4 more aisles rushing to make it back before their turn to check-out. Of course they never do. I haven’t been the victim of such arrogance since the Doctor left me in the waiting room for 3 hours because his time is so valuable.

I do have a solution to all these driving situations. You know the store that requires you to place a quarter in the slot to unlock a cart. I think it should be a $10.00 bill that you forfeit if you fail to obey the shopping cart laws.

Come to think about it my last trip driving down South Ninth Street was a lot like driving a shopping cart at Wal-mart.

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