By Tom Wilbur

I recently wrote a column here about a very close friend of mine who took his own life. He was despondent and depressed about a number of very difficult issues the past few years had dealt him, and could not see the light that would have shined for him again. 1,500 people attended his funeral. Had he seen the love in that gathering, he may have made another choice. We will never know.

I have a high school basketball teammate presently battling Stage IV pancreatic cancer, who lives for each moment, and is literally celebrating each day (go Team Bacon). His persistence and uplifting attitude towards life are humbling, to say the least. Last Christmas, you and I shared a little Journey moment, and helped one family who was in a desperate place financially (don’t stop believin’). A year ago last Summer, I battled prostate cancer, and the challenges related to the surgery that followed.

Three years ago, I volunteered to help lead a contemporary worship service at my church—and I do so every week, faithfully (I love you, Lord). In high school, at Salina Central, I was on a State Championship basketball team, and the following year on a team that failed in its attempt to repeat (still the mighty, mightiest Mustangs).

In grade school, I had a teacher that told me I’d better shape up and that I needed to learn how to focus on those things important (thank you, Miss Maxwell). My Dad packed us all up when I was six, and moved to Salina because he wanted to raise us here. When I was little, we used to catch pollywogs and play army near a stream (those were the best of times). I was born on an Air Force base near San Marcos, Texas.

Each of these events obviously has had an impact upon where I am right now, and who I am as an individual.  My point in rambling on, and sharing these things? It’s life. A bundle of experiences that make us who we are. And these experiences are some of mine.

You have events and encounters that have shaped you and molded you. It’s logical to surmise that many of your days have been better than others, and that there have been critical events over the course of your life that define who you are, and make you uniquely you.

Ironically, in some instances, there is little choice any of us have to change some of these things. They are external forces over which we had no control—often filled with incredible tragedy or sorrow, while other moments are effervescing with abundant joy. At certain junctures, we’ve each been proffered a myriad of choices in the steps we were about to take, and to what level of participation our conduct would rise. If we made the wrong choice, the best we can hope for is that somehow we learned something from the experience (albeit never do that again). If we got it right, maybe we were just lucky. Hard to say.

But here’s a fundamental– there is rarely anything we can do about the past, and spending too much time re-living our yesterdays is of nominal value now.

M. Scott Peck begins his classic book, “The Road Less Traveled” with these three words: “Life is difficult.” In the book, Peck challenges us to experience life—the highs and lows—and genuinely take in the feelings and emotions connected with each experience. And I think that’s really good advice. That process gives us such great benchmarks with which to gauge the ups and downs life has to offer. And these benchmarks are part of the formation of our values—so remembering them, and using them, is OK.  But allowing them to be a predominant part of your life, and to overwhelm you—can be a destructive waste of time. These moments are history. Let them go.

Things have been tough for a lot of people over the past few years, there’s no doubt about it. The economy has sucked, people have been displaced from their jobs, and finances have been tight. I was displaced from my job in 2004. Fired, actually. But these things cycle—and everyone goes through tough times. We all experience problems. The good news is nothing stays bad forever, and without question, few things are so good that they will stay good for the duration of our lives, either. Just ask your favorite stock broker.

I’ve known millionaires who are as miserable as a dog with feisty, frolicking fleas. And I have other acquaintances who have very little in the way of material possessions—and they appear to me to be genuinely upbeat and happy. They share a level of unbounded enthusiasm that is so uplifting. Their presence brings happiness and joy to all who they encounter. I look forward to seeing them and I love them for their positivity. They remind each of us that money doesn’t buy happiness.

The cool part about today is that it’s a brand new day. There’s a clean slate. You can choose a new direction right now. And the choices you make will only impact what lies ahead—and as mentioned, there is little to no value in dwelling on or attempting to re-live the past.

In poker, going “all-in” generally means pushing your chips to the center of the table—and betting it all. You may be intensely confident that you will win, or you may be bluffing— but you’re laying it on the line. You’ve active—you’re engaged—and you’re fierce. It seems to me that’s how we’re supposed to live life—in that all-in, positive expectation for the moment. Not cowering in a corner, but seizing the day, serving others, truly making a difference, and sharing your heart. Not worrying about what happened yesterday, but engaging in the opportunities presented in this moment. Daring to expose your inner self— even when there are risks (lions, and tigers and bears, oh my). I find that when I do that—good things happen.

As Mother Teresa is often quoted as saying, “”Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.”

You gotta have faith (a George Michael moment). And everyone needs a little hope, some peace, love and understanding (dang, Elvis Costello). For you who know someone needing a dose of hope today, I believe you have a responsibility to help provide it. An uplifting word. A note of encouragement. A hand outreaching. A few coins in their parking meter—whatever it takes. And conversely, if you are feeling personally challenged, you should actively seek relationships and resources you know and ask for help, put on a hat of determination, learn from the experiences you’re going through, shake it all off, and engage in life. As Mother Teresa said…“begin.”

You can’t purchase it, but faith is found in the anticipatory belief that each morning presents new opportunities. Faith is like the wind—we can’t actually see the wind, but we can feel it. It has no beginning and no end. It cannot be harnessed. Faith is founded upon an ongoing and all-encompassing belief that there is someone out there who will listen, guide, and protect you on your journey. The more I invest in the relationship I’m actively building with God, the happier I find myself— and the more I find that to be true. You can do the same.

Friends I have who travel to areas of great economic blight (into situations of poverty far beyond our imagination) tell me that they witness “true faith” when they observe a person who has absolutely nothing but the clothes on their back— thanking God each morning for the sunshine, even when they don’t know whether they will have something to eat that day. Or the next. Or the next. And for these folks, there’s no reason to worry about the past. Yesterday won’t feed you. When one maintains a thankful and expectant attitude regardless of circumstance, there you’ll find faith, and sustenance.

And that’s kind of the point of this whole piece. It’s about having an “all-in attitude” towards life. Things will get sometimes get better– at other times they’ll be worse—good and bad happens to every human being. But knowing that should prepare you for it– you should expect it, and embrace it.

To breathe it all in, is to live. To look at a rainy day, and be thankful for it—that’s gratitude. To bring joy to the lives of others—that’s exhilarating and meaningful. And to shed yourself of the bondage of your problems of the past—that’s freedom.

Be that person that others say they would aspire to be—that’s called living, baby!

Carpe diem—seize the day! It’s waiting for you to experience it.

Blessings and love to you.

Spread a smile around.

tw

Tom Wilbur is President/CEO of BANK VI in Salina, Kansas. A graduate of the University of Kansas, Tom has held numerous leadership positions in banking, non-profit organizations, and area civic groups. He is a part of The NINE:50 Worship Band at Trinity United Methodist Church. He regularly writes about life, business, faith, and family, and sports. Tom can be reached at rockchalktw@hotmail.com