By Bart J. Allen
The circus, known to us all as the Saline County Commissioners, put on a nearly unrivaled show this last week, their closest rivals being themselves, of course. For those that missed it, in a unanimous vote, they decided the redefine the English language.
When presented with the opportunity for free, state money intended to provide IUD birth control devices was made available for the taking by our embattled health department. Pretty simple, right? Apparently not.
In their old man minds, they actually believe that birth control equates to abortion, even after being specifically educated that it wasn’t. Our openly insane member, John Price, opined they should just give away rubbers, oblivious to the fact they already do. Way to pay attention, bossman. I guess rubbers, known to the rest of us born after 1950 as condoms, don’t cause abortions. Of course, IUD’s don’t either. Pesky facts.
Personally, his position didn’t surprise me at all, given the fact he is obviously suffering from some sort of dementia and has been since he campaigned for office. As is often the case, his disease seems to progressing faster than expected.
More troublesome is the fact that Duncan and Gile unanimously agreed with him. Crazy John’s disease is infectious. None of them can now comprehend spoken English. That would have been nice to know when their idiot supporters voted them in.
I’m not sure who they have left to offend. For most of this year, they’ve been focused on women and the poor. But don’t you worry, little ladies. They’ll carry around an extra jimmy in their wallet in case you can’t curb your insatiable, demon lust. Ask yourself just how badly would you have to hate yourself to be married to them?
Last year it was minorities. I would say the next thing they’ll do is openly break the law, but they already do that. Maybe if they came out in favor of the Nazi party? It wouldn’t matter. We had several old geezer regulars at our coffee shop that were big fans of Adolph. Look around you. They’re everywhere.
It’s hard to imagine in the 21st century, but the fact is, our commissioners have a huge fan base of equally demented supporters that actually agree with them, though to a man, they lack the guts to stand up and say so publicly. In other words, yellow cowards.
Duncan, who isn’t as fossilized and decrepit as his partners, should maybe be concerned. Not only is the onset of dementia at his age is troubling, he’s up for re-election this fall, though I doubt it will cost him his seat. He doesn’t seem to have a preferred group to offend, though bashing on dead kids for his own gain is certainly a favorite.
Saline County loves these guys, pure and simple as that. They are us.
The views and opinions expressed in this post are solely those of the author. These views and opinions do not represent those of the Post News Network and/or any/all contributors to this site.